Anonymous said: So, this girl I like, no love means the whole world to me. She says the same, but it's hard to believe for me. She's hasn't really been helping me with anything these past few months and she knows it's the hardest time I'm going through. While I've been trying to do everything to make her happy even if it means I keep suffering. She has helped past years though. I just need some advice on how to bring it up without hurting her, and why she isn't trying to help me at all? -thanks!
Hi, firstly, thank you for writing. It’s been quite a while since I’ve received an ask because this blog has been quite inactive for a good while now, but my inbox is always open if anyone needs advice about anything at all. :)
Back to your question? There could be, and there would be a myriad of reasons why you feel the way you do. I will be frank, and some of this might hurt you but they are possibilities; There is a chance that It might be completely one sided, it might be your insecurities bubbling above— not that it’s completely your fault. In a relationship there is two of you, and everything that happens in that relationship is the cause and effect of the things you choose to do everyday.
I’m terribly sorry that you’re having a hard time, I know I’ve been too in quite a few times these past few years and it’s always harder to look at other people and see what they’re going through, too. Do you think she’s having a hard time as well with a few of her personal issues?
If that’s not it, you’ve mentioned you’ve been doing everything to make her happy. That’s good and fine, and that’s everything you should really aim for with the person that you love. But have you guys talked about in length about your problems? I know some people would assume that girls are quite sensitive, but we’re all different, really. Some girls would know exactly what you’re going through, but some girls requires that information pounded into their heads before they actually realise what it is that’s happening/or the issue.
It’s possible that she’s assuming you’re okay, given that you’ve been trying things to make her happy. I’ve no idea if you’re a guy or a girl, but either way, be vulnerable with your loved one. Do not hide under a false pretense of bravado. Show her that you’re hurting, because if she loves you the way you love her? She would always come to your rescue.
Now, to your other question about advice on how to bring it up without hurting her? That is one of the most painful conversations you could have with someone very special to you. To tell someone that they’re not doing what they’re supposed to be doing? That would be like a slap in the face— repeatedly. But the thing is, if you both love each other the way you say you do, then yes, it would be painful but being honest with each other is the best thing I could tell you.
Sure, you can be subtle, and be more vulnerable and drop hints here and there, but let me tell you that subtle hints here and there could be dangerous and be assumed for something else in the long run.
I say rip the damn band-aid off quickly. You’re in a relationship, you will hurt each other. Just make sure she understands that you’re not saying she’s not enough, because she has helped you in the past. But you have to remind her that a relationship is something you both work for, not just from the one side or the other.
I believe this is getting quite long already, and I hope some of my ramblings will help you figure out the best thing to do with your problem. If there’s anything more, please do ask, my inbox is always open for you.
Anonymous said: THANKYOU sooooooo much. Your advice was ledgendary. It helped so much. I spoke to him and he said he was just really nervous and he regrets how things ended last time. He also said that he will not let it be that way this time. Again THANKYOU so much. Tons of love Lucy. Xxxxxx
I’m very happy for both of you! I’m glad that you’ve finally settled things. Remember talking and trying to understand each other is the main key to solve any problems in a relationship. And please, don’t hesitate to send me a message if you need someone to talk to, or vent to or ask for advice. My ask box would always be open.
I sincerely thank you for also letting me know that everything turned out well. I wish your relationship all the best, enjoy life my dear.
Anonymous said: Heey. I adore your blog. I have a small dilemma. I'm in year 9 and my boyfriend and I have only been dating a few weeks but we previously dated for about 3 months a year ago. The reason we broke up was because he never spoke to me! Well hardly ever. And when he did it was quite awkward. Now I am just scared that it will end up that way again. I really like him and I don't want it to fall apart like it did last time. Please help me I am just so worried and confused. Lots of love Lucy. Xxx
Thank you for sending a message!
First of all, it would be quite hard for me to assume things from the lack of information provided (which I totally understand, I wouldn’t want to give a lot of information out about me in the internet as well, specially something so personal), so I would just like for you to focus on this one thing that I am going to say;
Communication is the most important foundation of a relationship.
There could be a lot of reasons why for those three months a year ago, your boyfriend did not talk to you. But I want you to remember that talking is not a one-way but a two-way communication.
So he doesn’t talk to you, but have you tried of talking to him about it? Have you asked him why? I want you to understand that in a relationship, talking is a very important aspect; more so is understanding. I think you need to understand first why he didn’t talk to you for that past relationship you had with him a year ago, you need to know his reasons why so you would stop being scared. You need to tell him and be honest to him about what you feel, about your inhibitions and your fears so that he can be honest with you too. Things only get awkward in a relationship if there’s no more comfort (and i personally believe that one of the many things a relationship thrives on is being comfortable with your partner); I think when you are in a relationship, one of the most important things is that you feel comfortable being with that person, and that you can talk about anything and everything with them.
So talk to him, it’s okay to ask. He’s in this relationship too, he owes it to you to answer. Being in a committed relationship isn’t just about having someone to call your boyfriend or girlfriend. Being in a relationship is having someone you completely trust and can be comfortable with.
I hope this helps you in one way or another, and I sincerely wish for your relationship this time to be successful. Thank you again for dropping a message!
AAAAAAAAAAND SHE’S BACK LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. I apologize for the
long absence. Life gets in the way, but yes. I shall be posting daily again. (Hopefully)
Well yus, anyway. For now, I hope y’all are having a great summer! <3
onetwothreeshit said: hey there, I need some advices regarding this girl I like and I hope you can please help me.. she already knows that I like her and uhm.. well, she's the type of girl that thinks maturely she just turned 18 and she's humble, she never had a boyfriend, she knows that I like her, she's rich but she's humble, she's smart, she's bright, she's the type of girl who deserves everything best, she doesn't smoke, she doesn't drink.. well, she's not the prettiest but i do like her for her personality..
Hello rainier, I’m very flattered that someone had finally asked for advice. I’m happy for you, you are very lucky to find a girl like her. A few things interested me though. If she’s never had a boyfriend in her 18 years of life, there may be something wrong. She might be afraid of commitments, or getting hurt, or insecure about herself. Your job right now is to make her feel exactly the opposite of those. I can go for a more cliched line such as “be yourself” but that’s not enough, I would say be the guy who would be worth her trust, her love and her commitment. The best thing you can do right now is plow on slowly, even though she knows you like her already, you can’t simply push yourself to her. Offer yourself slowly, make her feel appreciated, instead of asking her to trust you; show that you are trustworthy. Commit to your promises, eventually you will win her heart if you really put your mind and commitment to it.
But these, everything that I’ve said wouldn’t do much good if you haven’t asked this yourself; you tell me that she has all of these good traits, smart, mature, rich but humble— but is she worth pursuing, worth all the effort you would put through, worth all the risk— that maybe in the end you wouldn’t succeed too?
Please ask yourself, if she is worth it, then on you go. :)
PS. If you wish for me to answer privately, do include in your question next time. Good luck!